These are a few random words of wisdom and thoughts to ponder that I have picked up here and there. I try to apply them daily in everyday life, whether at work or in my relationships.
Communication and Conflict:
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
Say what you mean, mean what you say. Just don’t be mean when you say it.
If you never say no, what is your yes worth?
You make your own choices. Do people make you mad or do you allow yourself to be mad? No one can make you do anything.
Always remember this simple equation: E+R=O (Event+Reaction=Octcome)
Always remember this simple equation: E+R=O (Event+Reaction=Octcome)
Outcome is the easiest to change by changing your reaction. When the outcome is negative it creates conflict. Reaction is your own free will, the choices you make. No one can make you react badly.
Behaviors let go is rewarded and behavior is repeated.
Being assertive does not mean you are a bitch. An assertive person is someone who respects the rights of others, while respecting his or her rights as well.
Causes of conflict:
· Difference in habits, assumptions and methods.
· Competition for resources
· Power struggles
· Organizational changes
· Both parties have needs that are not being met.
5 Approaches to Conflict:
1. Collaboration: I win, you win. Women are natural negotiators.
2. Compromise: Win, win. With each person giving something up. Use when #1 will take too long.
3. Forfeit: I lose, you win. Should be used in two situations:
a. When you are wrong
b. When harmony is more important than the issue.
i. If you chose to forfeit you cannot ever complain about the situation again.
4. Force: I win, you lose should be used if:
a. There is an issue of policy, safety, or legal issues.
b. A deadline there is no time left a decision has to be made.
5. Avoidance: Ignore
a. When you truly do not care.
b. The issue does not concern you.
3 Truths about dealing with difficult people:
1. You are NOT the target! Could be low self esteem, repressed anger, or poor communication skills.
2. You do not have to like them to cope with them.
3. You cannot change their behavior.
3 Basic Conversation Guidelines:
1. The person who speaks first has the privilege of setting the mood and tone of the conversation.
2. The person who asks the most questions can control the content or direction of the conversation.
a. Only ask questions you know the answers to.
b. A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.
c. Ask questions that will lead people to their own conclusions.
3. The person who listens more has greater control over the final outcome.
If you are not talking it out, you are acting it out.
Always begin with the end in mind.
Never wait until anger gives you the courage to stand up for yourself.
Nervousness comes from lack of confidence. Never let them see you sweat! Always look confident even when you aren’t. Always look as if you belong even when you feel you don’t.
