The Epitome of Anjelogic

Don't ruin today worrying by about tomorrow.  Life is too short, just be!
Written April 20, 2011

So I have been giving a lot of thought to my current situation and in listening to my friends talk about their situations it got me wondering why we feel everything in regards to the relationships we have with the opposite sex (or same sex whatever your preference) requires a definition? Why must we be forced to label our feelings? Who requires this? Is it me, is it you, is it society? I think relationships can be, are, and should be rather simple. If and only if we allowed ourselves to take away these ideas that are implanted in our brains from pretty much the time we are born that you are supposed to grow up, fall in love, get married, and have kids. These ideals are in my opinion what complicate things. Why can’t we just be? Be real, be honest, be yourself. Stop trying to label and define EVERYTHING, just be. Be content with how things are, if you are not then ask yourself why you are staying in the situation? Move on don’t make excuses, don’t try to change them into what you want or think that they should be.

It’s physically impossible for two to become one, so why is that always assumed to be the goal. We just set ourselves up to fail. There is always something, some part no matter how big or how small that doesn’t quite fit into that nice pretty package, and that’s when it gets ugly. No one wants that so why do we do it to ourselves? We try to box it all up and tie with a pretty a little bow, give it a title, a name that has no clear meaning, and soon you can’t breathe and your tearing at the wrapping trying to escape, trying to get some air and you are left with tattered pieces of the beautiful wrapping there once was.

It's not what I want, I tried to be that and it wasn't for me. Do I believe in love? YES with all my heart and soul. But I do not believe labels and expectations of until death do us part are requirements in order to love and to be loved. I believe it’s possible to love many in many different ways. Tomorrow is not promised. So why do we always trying to plan for it, and then allow ourselves to feel hurt and disappointment when things do not go exactly how we envisioned? If you’re happy then be happy, don’t let others and what they think life should be influence they way you live yours. If you find someone that you enjoy spending time with, do just that; enjoy each other’s company, trust in what you feel, be honest with one another except it for the gift that it truly is and see where the journey takes you without the pressure of trying to steer it somewhere society believes it should go. There are no definite outcomes, nothing is promised. Don't ruin today by worrying about tomorrow, life is too damn short, just be!

Someday I will figure this out

I live in the grey area for sure but sometimes I wish it was more black and white.

Never judge a book by it’s cover. Well I have read the whole damn book and all I got out of it was knowing that if I had never picked the book up in the first place I would have saved myself a lot of time, aggravation, anger, trouble and out right humiliation. Is it ok to judge by the inside cover?

But on the other hand…

If you don’t take a chance you might miss out on something great. When can I decide if it is or isn’t something great? 1, 2, 3, 10, 15, 100 encounters? I am not the only person involved here what if they decide on encounter 2 that it’s great and I decided on encounter 3 that it’s not. We can’t both be right. Can we?

How many chances are you supposed to give? They say everyone deserves a second chance. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Is this just two ways of saying the same thing or do we give them the benefit of the doubt and then a 2nd chance making it really 3 chances? After all third times the charm. Ugh. Do these chances follow the standard calendar year? One year is your first chance and so on? Does it go by each mistake? As in you get a second chance at each mistake you make. Per person? Can people really be expected to only screw up once? But when is enough really enough? What if what I feel is a minor infraction someone else deems a major offense? Again, we can’t both be right…

Never give up. You got to know when to throw in the towel. WTF? Really? No further explanation is needed.

Treat others how you would want to be treated. Ok I guess this one isn’t that confusing. Honesty, truly is always the best policy, even if the truth hurts. But where it gets confusing is trying to remember that not everyone holds honesty at such a high regard. Some might believe that lying to spare your feelings is the right thing to do. So there again is another contradiction, if we are supposed to treat others like we want to be treated; by lying to spare someone’s feelings aren’t you saying it’s acceptable to be lied to?

Always do what makes you happy. Don’t be selfish. How can you do both? People are not all going to like what makes you happy, if they aren’t happy with it, isn’t that being selfish?

Ugh, makes my head hurt.

What has life taught me? To be cynical? To be judgmental? To shut down? Close myself off to others? Maybe it should have. But it’s not in my being. I am a dreamer. I believe in giving chances. I believe people make mistakes. I believe in the one, in soul mates, and happily ever afters. I believe in signs, in destiny, in fate, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in seeing the good in everyone and I believe that no one really means to hurt another. But I also strongly believe that sometimes I am an idiot for believing in any of it.